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Doctors explain that “love brain” is not a diagnosis of mental illness, but rather is related to the brain’s reward mechanisms, attachment insecurity, low self-esteem, and sunk costs. It is often difficult for people to leave unhealthy relationships, even when they know they are hurting.
You give up your friends and job opportunities for love. Even knowing that your partner will be in a cold war and will blackmail you emotionally, why can’t you leave him? Psychiatrist Yang Congcai explained that “love brain” is not an official psychiatric diagnosis, but it may involve the brain’s reward mechanism, insecure attachment, and low self-esteem. What really makes it difficult to survive is sometimes not too much love, but too much fear of loss.
Yang Kangkai said that “love brain” is a popular term, which usually refers to a person who treats his partner in a romantic relationship as the center of his life. His emotions, decision-making abilities, and sense of worth are almost dependent on the other person, even at the expense of health, work, interpersonal relationships, and life goals. This is not “deep love”, but excessive dependence on love.
Common characteristics include waiting for messages all day and feeling anxious because the other person has not read them back; Idealizing the partner and constantly making excuses for the other person, even if relatives and friends warn against it; Giving up work, friends or dreams to serve the partner, and even facing cold violence, emotional blackmail, deception or violence, and still not being willing to leave because of fear of separation.
Why does love make people “lose their minds”? Yang Kangkai analyzed the physiological mechanism and found that the secretion of dopamine increases in the early stage of love, which brings emotions such as happiness, anticipation, and reward; The increase in norepinephrine can make people’s heart beat faster and focus on the other person. Changes in oxytocin and serotonin are also related to feelings of attachment. Therefore, a phenomenon similar to the reward mechanism of addiction may actually occur in the brain during love.
The psychological level deals with attachment relationships, self-esteem, and growth experiences. People who were unsafe, neglected, or experienced trauma in childhood may have a greater fear of abandonment; People with low self-esteem may also view “being loved” as a way to prove their worth.
Yang Kangkai also gave an example. A 32-year-old woman was protected by her boyfriend in the early days of the relationship. Half a year later, her boyfriend started preventing her from having dinners with male colleagues. The woman constantly canceled fitness classes, stopped hanging out with friends, and even gave up opportunities to study abroad. After that, there was often a cold war between the lovers, but sometimes he would send gifts and apologize. Whenever the woman wanted to break up, the boyfriend would say, “I can’t live without you”, to which she would agree and stay.
Until the woman received psychological counseling due to long-term insomnia, anxiety, and low work performance, she gradually understood that what she was really afraid of was feeling the loneliness of being ignored and rejected in childhood again. Only when she re-established her self-esteem, regained her social interactions and interests, did she have the strength to end the relationship.
Yang Kangkai explained that the reasons people get stuck in unsuitable relationships include “sunk costs”, meaning they are reluctant to leave because they have invested many years of love, youth, or money; and “intermittent escalation”, when the partner is sometimes indifferent and occasionally shows kindness, such as irregular rewards, which may make it more difficult for people to opt out. If you suffer from anxiety, depression or insomnia due to long-term relationships, or if you are stuck in a relationship that involves repeated breakups, emotional manipulation or even violence and you are unable to get out, you should consider seeking psychological counseling or psychological help.
Summary FAQ
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“Love brain” is a popular term, not an official psychiatric diagnosis. It refers to an excessive focus on one’s partner in a relationship, in which emotions, decision making, and sense of worth all depend on the other person, even at the expense of work, health, and interpersonal life.
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The reason for this is not only a lack of rationality, but may also include the feeling of reward brought by dopamine, attachment anxiety of fear of abandonment, and low self-esteem and the desire to be loved; With sunk costs and hot and cold rewards, it is easy for people to be unable to get out.
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If your relationship has caused long-term anxiety, insomnia, depression or impact at work, and your partner is manipulative, violent or repeatedly overconfident, you should seek psychological counseling or psychotherapist help as soon as possible to rebuild your self-worth and support system.
