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Summary of article:
The article points out that Huang Renxun’s extramarital affair should not be simplified to a personality label, but should be understood from aspects such as personality traits, psychological needs, and marriage management, and emphasizes that true success in life lies in self-discipline, integrity, and the ability to repair.
new York Times report,Huida CEO of Nvidia (also known as Nvidia)Jen-Hsun Huang Admitted having an extramarital affair with Huang Le, a woman suspected of spying for China. In this regard, psychiatrist Yang Congcai said that just because a person has a successful career, it cannot be assumed that he will be emotionally loyal; Nor can a person be directly judged as suffering from a particular personality disorder simply because he has had an extramarital affair. It should be distinguished from “personality traits”, “present psychological needs”, “marital relationships”, and “individual moral choices”.
A Perfect Career Doesn’t Necessarily Mean a Perfect Marriage: Why Do Successful Men Cheat? Yang Kangkai said that the outside world often believes that a person who has a successful career, is smart, capable, has social prestige and has been recognized by everyone for a long time, must also have a mature personality, self-discipline, and good marriage management abilities. But the truth may be just the opposite. A person who is very successful in the workplace does not mean that he is mature in intimate relationships; A person who has the ability to manage thousands of employees does not mean that he has the ability to manage their own emotions, desires and limitations.
Why do men with successful careers have extramarital affairs? Yang Kangkai pointed out that from a psychological perspective, it may involve five psychological mechanisms:
First, achievement motivation is strong: people are accustomed to pursuing victory and success, but if they bring a “challenge-seeking” mentality into intimate relationships, they may feel numb about familiar and stable relationships, and instead be easily attracted to new, unknown, and challenging relationships.
Second, self-centeredness and a sense of power: it is easy to develop an exception mentality. Some people with high powers may gradually develop a mindset. Since they have endured so much pressure and put in so much effort, should they also enjoy some treatment that others do not receive?
Third, the need for external validation: Successful people can also be emotionally hungry. When a person has been considered a business leader, decision maker or authoritative figure for a long time, the people around him are often accustomed to respecting his position. But perhaps one would like someone to appreciate him not for his position, wealth or power, but for the person he is.
Fourth, seek excitement: Chasing novelty and dopamine response, some people may mistake the excitement brought by a new relationship for true love or a deep emotional connection.
Fifth, separation psychology: The ability to separate work, family, and relationships can help manage stress in some situations, but it can cause problems if it is used to avoid ethical conflicts. For example, a man may still have feelings for his wife and children at home but also develop an extramarital affair, but mentally say to himself, “This is another matter and it will not affect my family.” However, for a partner, loyalty is not a life commodity that can be cut off. Once trust in a marriage is broken, it suffers real losses and consequences.
Yang Congkai said that the biggest revelation that Huang Renxun’s extramarital affair has brought to the society is not to gossip about what the third party looks like or what his background is, nor to rush to put a personality label on the person involved, but to reconsider what standards should be used to measure success in a person’s life? If a person has a great career, but his family has suffered serious losses, is this life really complete? If a person has wealth, status and fame, but cannot control his desires and emotions, does it mean he still has something to learn?
Therefore, after a person makes a mistake, he is willing to honestly admit it, take responsibility, and repair the damage through long-term actions. This is an important beginning of personality maturity. Yang Kangkai said that smart people know how to get what they want; Wise people know which things are not worth changing throughout their life.
Yang Kangkai believes that a successful career requires ability, a happy marriage requires management, and a mature personality requires self-discipline, empathy, integrity, and responsibility. The real right score in life is not to gain the envy of the entire world, but to gain the trust of those closest to you even when you return home.
Summary FAQ
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Because success in the workplace does not equate to maturity in intimate relationships. Individuals may be good at managing careers and teams, but they may not be able to handle emotions, desires, and boundaries. If they are influenced by a sense of novelty, power, or external validation needs, they are more likely to deviate from loyalty.
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The article tackles 5 mechanisms: strong achievement motivation, a sense of power that easily creates an exception mentality, the desire to be recognized as “this person”, the pursuit of excitement and dopamine response, and an isolation mentality that makes work, family, and relationships too separate.
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The main revelation is not to gossip about third parties or be hasty in labeling others, but to think about the criteria for success in life. If a person has a great career but causes trouble to his family, he is not perfect; A truly mature man will honestly face his mistakes and improve the relationship in the long run.
